Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Back to basics
There's been a lot of drama going on in the gyaru community and in light of the recent events, I've started contemplating my actions, my goals and my expectations. I've been contemplating this for a long time now, at least 2 months, it doesn't sound like a long time but it is considering I NEVER ONCE thought about how my style (or lack thereof) or my makeup should be, in the eyes of other fellow gals.
I feel I've let my own integrity and self-respect suffer, on behalf of what others have expected from me. I can't do that anymore. I started out doing this FOR me, not in despite of me.
When I started looking for a community to flourish and cherish, my expectations were that the people in them were supporting, happily ready to share their interest and expertise. I thought they were genuine and a lot like me, a social outcast with a kind heart, wishing to find friends to “dress up” and have fun with. Though many are, there’s unfortunately more bad seeds than good, and too many bad seeds ruin a crop.
There is too many curtains being lifted, shedding light on the ugliness behind.
Too many who get their dreams and aspirations crushed beneath a selective few dominant ego’s.
And too many who search for happiness and acceptance only to find rejection and depression.
I see everything.
I was aware of the fact that a superficial lifestyle/fashion style would involve superficial and conceited people, but not such a high amount of them.
The words “you’re pretty” or generally words praising my looks are words I seldom heard outside of gal make. Though friends and my boyfriend tell me I am, I refuse to accept those words. Maybe because I am afraid hearing it too often will eventually make me conceited. There’s nothing wrong with my self-confidence, I’ve been raised to be judged by actions and character and not rely on my looks as that will perish with time.
When I was introduced to the groups I was eager to learn from everyone else in my groups, posting pictures to get feedback. Though I did get(and much appreciated) feedback I felt I started to change. I wanted acceptance.
“please, senpai notice me”- syndrome
That has never been in my nature.
It goes against everything I am, and still hope I can find my way back to.
I need to go about this my own way now. I need to do what I feel is right.
It’s time for me to go back to basics.
I will continue the blog ofc, not everything will be of taste for everyone but a quick push of [X] will lead you away from it and you are welcome to do so.
For the future I will be reviewing Vassen Latte Pink, Vassen/I.fairy Kirei Green and Princess Pinky Twilight Blue.
~ Stay tuned ~